Monday, November 14, 2011

Lose and Gain at the beginning of a new journey

As I prepared for this journey I have been faced with many challenges, had many inspiring conversations, seen a life pass on and let go of a home and two jobs. When I told my energy worker about my energy she said I would be tested but boy did I really have no idea what that really meant. Letting go of my house and jobs was easy as pie, despite choosing to leave it all behind only a few weeks before taking off. Though renting out my place till only five days before I left was completely ridiculous. I was able to sell all my furniture, got out of my lease, stored my stuff at friends all in these five days. I would not recommend getting major energy work done the day before you have to move everything by yourself. I also learned that I still have a lot to learn when it comes to asking for help and then facing the truth that I can not do anything at all. The day after my healing I was convinced that all of my friends were too busy to help me and besides I could do it all myself. But as the hours ticked by and I ran up and down three flights of stairs with my legs and arms aching more with each step, I could not do it any more and this realization brought me to my knees and I cried for the first time in ages. It was a powerful moment. But luckily friends did help and my last night in Van was filled with amazing food, tasty drinks and wonderful friends.

My second and perhaps harder challenge was to be met when I arrived in Calgary to see my family and a few friends. I thought I was going to face my own fears reflected in my mother but nothing is that simple and instead I was faced with the loss of my last living and dearest grandmother. I can only say that I am so thankful that I had come and got to see her before she passed and the little bit of time that my brother, mother and I got to spend with her were amazing. At the age of 94, I didn’t think she was ready to let it all go. But when she fell and fractured her pelvis in two spots the morning I arrived in town and it went from an easy break to internal bleeding, she was ready to say good bye. She led a long and inspiring life, filled with family, travels, adventures as a nurse during the war. She was full of so much love and compassion and would chat with any passing person. I can not say her actual passing was as hard as leaving my mother grieving loosing both her mother and daughter at once. But we all have our challenges to face in this life and that is hers as leaving is mine. My grandmother finally passed on 11/11/11 at midnight during the full moon, a more powerful time I could not imagine. On this day I participated in a peace meditation in central Amsterdam and could feel my grandmother smiling down on us all. 

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