Well I know this has been a long time coming and some of you
already know the news and others perhaps have sensed it, so hear it goes, it is
true I have returned to Canada from Africa and after a month of wallowing and
questioning my decision, damn am I happy I chose to come back. It has taken me
this long to write and let you all know I chose to return because of both fear
and guilt. Guilt that I had abandoned my dreams and some how let everyone down
and fear that I made the wrong choice and that everyone would say “what do you
mean you are back in Calgary Africa will
always be there and I have no doubt I will return but for what I wish to accomplish
in my life right now here in Canada
So I am sure my other messages gave you some idea of why I
returned; getting really ill twice was definitely a sign that something was
wrong, running out of money way faster than I thought makes it a little
challenging to live anywhere even in Africa, not having any direction after the
Malawi wwoofing opportunity fell through left me a little lost, wanting to
dance, stroll about under the moon light, meditate and talk spirituality with
other humans was not happening in Dar. So many lessons were learned along the
way. I realized just how impulsive I can be, not even my 12 tattoos and many
piercings had taught me that and as much as I like to be a lone Lynx I do need
a support network that understands life from my perspective. I also discovered I
really need to learn to set up better boundaries while trusting spirit and
having patience for myself and others thanks to the non-profit i tried to work for with no success. Futhermore I accept with more certainty
we can not save anyone, we can help support them but they must do their own
work. This thought has given me the most trouble of late as I have lived most
of my life wanting to better the world, after all isn’t that what all of us
Aquarians are supposed to want to do. But how do we help the world without
saving it? I have a feeling I will be working on this one for a long time! I am
not leaving Africa behind, It is always in my heart and
once I find a more reasonable, financially feasible way to travel and help
there I will be back but I don’t know if it will ever be to live as I had
always thought it would. Whether it was a romanticizing of the continent or a
past life connection or some karmic agreement I just don’t know if the stress
of living there is worth it. I definitely do not wish to become some bitter
hardened old expat.
On a brighter note, while I have been contemplating all of
this stuff I have been filling my life with all the things I love; conscious
dance, meditative movement, hooping, yoga, meditation, reading, eating
delicious food, dinner parties, playing with my cousins little girls, energy
healing, enjoying the freedom to do whatever I like that we are so lucky to
have hear. In fact Calgary
Love you all
Xoxoxo
M
