Monday, October 17, 2011

Ode to Ontario (and Spirit)

Back in Vancouver on a brisk but surprisingly sunny day I have had time to sit and reflect on all the amazing, frightening, uplifting things that I got to experience while cooking in the woods in North Western Ontario. Ontario was an amazing surprise! Huge lakes, rocky hills, big trees with incredible colour changing leaves and hot hot days. I absolutely recommend to everyone that you should go and check out this part of our amazing country. It will be a delightful discovery I am sure!

 But now I can not stop giggling at how spirit works in us. To give me this opportunity to shift and release in a place that promoted my healing a thousand fold in comparison to staying here in Vancouver and giving me a substantial amount of money to go out and walk my path to Africa. It is hard to find words for all that I experienced and all the lessons learned. I had many realizations about my own fears; completely ridiculous unsubstantiated fears of bears in the woods and crazy men hiding out in the cabin waiting to do terrible things to me. My shadow popped up at all times and in many corners to stop me from progressing on my path and I now am able to hold it and give it the love and compassion I would give another person who had suffered hurts and pushed away their pain. I have looked the anger I have carried for others and questioned its rationale. I feel lighter and as the cosmos whirl faster and we are shifting to a new better truth filled existence I am feeling more prepared.

Another gift spirit gave me one day as I sat on the deck sipping my tea and checking my emails was a visit from a lynx. It was a beautiful sunny morning around 11am and out of the bushes directly in front of me walks out this beautiful strong wild creature. She stood at the edge of the bushes and looked around not noticing me until I said “hello beautiful” to her. And then she looked at me with the intense eyes peering into my being she stood and looked and after what seemed ages she began to walk around the side of the deck. In a sudden panic I got up and ran inside fearing she would come up on the deck but of course she did not and my fears had tricked me once again. Later in reading more about the Lynx, I discovered how very rare they are and how much rarer it is to actually see one in the open and for you to have minutes to connect with it. The totem of the Lynx is that of the keeper of secrets, being able to move precisely and stealthily it can watch the world and see what is truly there and not what people try to show. I immediately connected with this totem from my own experience in the woods and of my life in general. She stood there looking through the fears and beckoned me to tell the truth, my truth, the whole truth. She also reminded me how when I am still and take time to listen I also know the secrets of the world.

At the end of it all I was very ready to go and so thankful I went. Being able to cook everyday, creating delicious edibles makes me super happy, Spending time alone listening to the trees and the birds, Jumping on the trampoline and run about like phoebe from Friends ;),  Enjoying 27c weather, basking in the sun, swimming in the lake, enjoying a late night sauna, baking bread and having time to concoct my plan.

So here it is as it stands at the moment. I am returning to Mama Africa and don’t know when I will be back. I starting off with a visit to Calgary to welcome a beautiful new babe into the world, then off to Spain with Ashley to study flamenco, eat tapas, look at Gaudi’s creations and hopefully hang out with the gypsies, then we are off to Morocco to get scrubbed in the Hammam, drink mint tea, work on some organic farms and venture with the nomads. At this point I will bid Ashley adieu and fly to Kenya to travel to a farm on Mfafango island on lake Victoria lead by where I will work on their demo farm and help train youth in sustainability. Then I am off to Tanzania to visit my friends and to work with an orphanage and the Tanzanian scouts association. This will take me to Malawi and where I will stay and do a more intensive training on their farm. From there who knows, but I know it will all work out in divine order.

Much love light and laughter to your all

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


I can not tell you how blessed I feel!! I am so thankful for so many things: The ability to write how I feel and release all the feelings that are built up inside of me, whether anyone reads them or not; The opportunity to manifest this and collect an income that can help pay for all my dreams; The chance to work by myself and process and learn; The chance to work with all these other people and learn about myself through them; To concoct mad meals and have the internet to search out amazing new recipes; to sit in the sun watching the leaves change and listen to the birds chirp; sweating it out on the beach at 27c and then going for a swim, the list goes on and on.

We all create out stories and we all must take responsibility for their creation. I am reminded of this constantly as I am on this journey in this magical place. Yesterday, I chose to create a new story. I sat down and created a vision board made up of pictures, colours and symbols cut out of magazines. I look at it for inspiration; journeys, movement, plants and trees, beautiful moving bodies,…. After my vision board I sat and read an amazing article about the turning point that is coming at this time, the end of the mayan calendar. I wish to share it with you and hope you enjoy it
This lead me to a video on the high priestess and transforming one’s outward intelligence into one’s inner wisdom. Which further lead me to a deep meditation, yoga session and chakra cleansing. All of these things helped me to release and to appreciate what I had and to prepare for my new world view :D

I would like to thank you all for who you are, for all that you have showed me, and for the beautiful words of compassion and comradery you sent me. Many blessings on this journey we are wondering through in these human bodies.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

From the banks of my muddy mind

Being alone by yourself in the bush for 8+ hrs a day is certainly a good way to help you identify your neuroses and if you already knew what they were then it is a good way to get to know them really really well and hopefully with that knowledge accept and disarm them. As I have already been trying to accept, love and disarm the deeply ingrained beliefs that I need to be, do and have better and the need to follow the little voice inside my head that speaks for society, my past lives, friends and family, I find them incessantly nattering at me now that I am alone. Though I have gotten to know this pattern well the ability to love and disarm seems to be taking me much longer (and there it is again like a vicious circle). In this beautiful and serene place I find myself alone and scared, strong and fearless. The dichotomy that lives within me is powerful beyond belief and in my own stubborn way I choose to witness it alone. I think sometimes it must be hell to have me as a cook and I think other times how blessed I am to do this and provide delicious and nutritious food for everyone here.

Currently I am reading a book on raising our consciousness to a higher level, my mind constantly questions the legitimate way to do this. If it is our story and we are the only ones to blame for it when do we change our way of being. How do we admit that we are emitting negative energy, taking responsibility for it and yet not use this as an excuse for emitting these energies? I know these things take time and they often get worse before they get better, but sometimes I have a hard time believing it.

Where have I come from and where am I going to? What place have I created for myself on this planet of ours? How can I be cooking for people who are searching for gold when I disagree with the ideas of mining and yet part of me would be overjoyed  if someone were to give me a pair of gold earrings? Will the dishes ever end? Oh so many questions run through my mind and as I watch the leaves drop and try to meditate and master my mind, it simply lashes back with more nasty things to say. But then I look at the leaves again and listen to the birds sing and all is beautiful and blissful.

This weekend was particularly awesome because Grant, the camp’s owner, brought up his two super cute daughters; Payton, 7 and Avery, 5. It is interesting how in going through all my mental garbage, two little girls can be so easy to connect with. Inquisitive and joyful, I absolutely loved playing with them and having them help me around the kitchen. Their ability to make something out of nothing and show how they feel no matter what is truly inspiring. I do so hope I will see them again.

From the sunny autumn leaved forests of North Western Ontario, I send you all my love.