When is it that we quit fighting with spirit and accept the
flow of things? I have always wanted to return to Africa
to live amongst its people sharing and learning about their existence. For as
long as I can remember I have had a romance with Africa ,
is it the desire for the unknown, a longing to return to the birth place of
humanity, a wish to live the simple life, to learn to survive. One of the main
reasons I came to Africa was to learn how to survive as
that is what life is here, as my mother said to me the other day, this is a
young soul country, a country where people are born to learn to survive and
make the most of what is available to them. But it is not the kind of survival
I envisioned. It is not the way of the hunter gatherer who lives in connection
with the land. It is a twisted version of survival, trying to survive in a
world that is not your own, a world that you have learned about through
foreigners, colonialists, tv and advertising. It is a new form of colonialism
that we are all subject to, that permeates everything that happens here. But I
do not believe this is the answer. We must find a new way to live a very old
existence before humans began to think that we are the end all and be all that
this is all ours and we can do with it as we please. So where does an old soul
like me fit into all of this. No one can be saved as many volunteers and
missionaries come here to try to do, but of their own volition people can find
the right connections, teachers, guides to live their paths and learn their
lessons for this life time. I feel that somewhere in this I have a role to
play, but I do not yet know what that is.
As an incredibly sensitive soul I find the daily existence
here overwhelming. People’s emotions are visible everywhere, the daily struggle
to find money and feed their children is ever present as is the following of a
path that is not of the people here. Though it is different than the struggles
we have in the West it is the same. I thought it would some how be different
but I was wrong. At present is people do happen to make it beyond this basic
struggle to survive in a made up system they will not look back though they are
no more satisfied with life and they will build great walls around their family
to protect this illusion of survival. I
do not wish to live behind brick walls so I can feel safe, but I must also be
aware that I am exhausted mentally and physically. I must listen to my body
which after being continually sick and unable to go out for more than a few
hours is sending me some very clear signs. I wish to admit that I am not yet
prepared to protect myself from being swallowed whole by the attempts of people
to find a way to survive here. In these turbulent times it is so much more
challenging and I know as I said on my last post we must be open to changing
our plans and being flexible.
I have asked Spirit for guidance. I do not wish to save
these people. I wish to help empower those who are prepared to evolve but
without pushing some sort of religious view and/or trying to take the resources
that exist here. I wish to hold them all in compassion including myself. I
remember when I read the book Ishmael it particularly resonated with me when
Ishmael spoke of the natural order of things. It is natural for a famine to
occur and many to die this has happened since the dawning of time and
interfering with it only causes greater hunger, more famines and over
population of any already over populate earth. I know I want to help the earth
and live an existence that supports her and all of her children. This journey
has been a powerful learning experience as always.
